Not knowing...

I am not sure exactly what's happening here and so am trying to make sense of it by writing.  Things might just become a little less hazier, once they are out on screen.

We have this maid coming to cook meals in the morning.  She is petite in her early forties and has a pleasant demeanour.  Sometimes she is asked to make tea.  Now it has become her habit to ask me if I want another cup of tea in the morning.  She approaches me pleasantly and touches my fingers while handing the cup.

She keeps herself neat and tidy and there's nothing elegant about her appearance.  Yet there is a strange attractiveness about her persona.  I am noticing more of her these days and that unsettles me.  She is so small that one can just lift her easily in one's arms.  Her demeanour is very pleasant and perhaps that makes one notice her.

She usually offers to keep the garbage cans out.  Yesterday while keeping the cans out, she turned and tried to cover herself with the open end of her apron.  She wears it over her top and tries to adjust apron from time to time to cover her chest portion.  It so happened yesterday that her gesture left open the left half of her top.  Nothing was exposed, but the gesture drew my attention to her breasts. They must be small and not very firm, I thought.  I also thought she had done it involuntarily to draw my attention to her.

That left me wondering.  Was she trying to seduce me or was it that I am getting attracted physically to her?  Either way I must take note and take charge of my discretion.  There is no doubt I like her being in the house and moving about in her usually brisk and pleasant manner.  Let that pleasure continue at least.

Discoveries

They say life never ceases to surprise you.

It so happened that a few weeks ago, I felt the urge to prove to myself that my sexuality was intact.  I tried to hint this to my wife a few times, but she turned me away saying she was tired and did not feel the urge for sex at all.  I didn't prod.  I continued to nurse the fantasy that I'd one day take her up.  I tried to fiddle with my imagination by trying to see if my cyberflame was still interested.  It didn't look like it.  The flame turned very formal and I had to give up on her.  I continued to pat my wife and stroke her back every night.  That she has been liking and continues to do so.

Then I was away for about a week for a program that I was facilitating.   The day I came back, I found my wife demurely cuddling up to me.  I realised she was eager for intimacy.  We snuggled up to each other and engaged in a fairly long foreplay.  I love to stroke her back and bums and she has an ample measure of them.  We both became very passionate and before either knew we had one of the most satisfying sessions in recent past.  I was relieved that I was quite strong enough to satisfy her fully.  We lay in each other's arms for a long while.  I was wondering about my fears and all those stupide anxieties about erectile dysfunction and so on.

Of course, regular exercise helps in fitness and that does help in bed.  But life has a way of throwing surprises at you.  That's for sure.  Mind you we both have crossed sixties.